I had a talk with Neil tonight. About these dreams that haunt me since a few days and that don’t go away. This man on a motorbike driving over the bridge, which is colorful like a rainbow and gold and silver is falling from the bridge into the nothingness below. Then a huge black warrior with lot’s of hair is rising from the darkness and pulling a sword of light and fire. He is trying to slay the man on the bike. He misses but the sword strikes the bridge. Everywhere colorful pieces are falling like in one of those Disney flicks but it’s not nice.
The man on the bike is hanging over the abyss, holding my hand. I can see his face, I think it’s Neil himself. I hold him, but the giant is striking again. This time the world explodes and I lose Neil. He’s falling into the abyss and I can’t reach him anymore. I wake up.
I was thinking about this dream. There were small details that were changing every time, but I tried to find out what the message is. Everything started when I tried to imagine what the trip to India would be like. I got no real answer, so I tried it on the reverse side – what if we don’t drive. Then the dreams started. It was this road where I had to chose left home or right over the rainbow bridge. Now every time I dream a wind is pulling me towards the bridge and the wind was becoming a storm. A storm that is so strong that I nearly can’t hold my feet on the ground of the road. I really think we should start our travel soon. Very soon. I begged Neil that we should start on this spot but of cause there are still some things to do.
I don’t exactly know what that dream means. Well, fuck, I was drugged with acid in Boston recently, maybe it’s just a weird flashback. Or I’m suffering of travel fever and I hope to see this Indian Holi festival soon and if we don’t take off, we’ll miss it. But, well, I am working on my dreams and there is so much of dark and old mythology in it, that I don’t think it’s just hysterical.
I should not tell anybody that I am able to see the future. Well to ‘see’ it is a little bit of exaggeration. It’s more like a feeling. I have been working on that for years now. Dreams like that haunt me since my awakening. A few years ago I started to work on that. Try to ask for something in return of the nightmares.
I think it’s not much more than someone who can read the weather and predict which weather would be tomorrow to someone who can’t. It’s not that I can change anything. I just can prepare to pack an umbrella at the right day at the moment. But it has gotten stronger over the years. It is so strong that I now sometimes see things coming that really happen. Maybe it’s a bit of intuition and Runners Paranoia, working hand in hand, maybe it’s just… my family inheritance. In Ireland part of my family was living as tinkers. I always imagine this as a kind of gypsy life but that’s of cause just romanticism and a stupid girlish kind to look at it.
Maybe things like that sometimes just happen. See, this Heisenberg guy said two things. That the world can’t be completely predicted. And that everything is affecting everything in a way. And not with it’s gravity and that but with it’s very existence. Somewhere in between I sit and see pictures and dreams in the white noise of a dead matrix channel or pictures come to me that are lost. Like the weather is coming to the skilled by watching the skies.
Why am I thinking of vikings, when think of this dream? It’s just, it’s just that I have this fuckin’ bad feeling.