Personal log of Kowalski, Roger
I awoke in the dusty cold night. I bumped my head at the first moving and a bottle of whiskey was rolling down to the floor with a tinkering like silver, sweet and seductive but only filled with hollow promises. I jolted up. Where was I? I tried to open my eyes, it was dark but the pale shine of neon was touching me like a spiders leg from the dark. What happend. A car. I was sleeping in the car. It’s the sedan from the office, the Mercury Comet was clearly larger on the outside than on the inside, in contrast what the advertising promised and I bumped my head coming up from the back seat like a bum.
What happened? I tried to remember. Me drunk. Her fearful eyes. My devils hand of technology forcing her down. Hitting her. Taking her with force. “No!”, I screamed. And tumbling out of the car, just the reflex closing it, leaving it in the back alley I had chosen to sleep. Running up the stairs. “Babsie! No! I’m so sorry!”, I cried. The door flung open to the office. Her body lifeless under the blankets, her naked leg hanging out. “Oh shit, little bunny! I didn’t want that!” She moving slowly. Her in my arms, getting conscious, a moment of fear in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, little bunny. So sorry. Sorry. I haven’t killed you, did I?” “Killed me?” Her arms around my neck. She kissed me and I kissed her, crying. “I’m so sorry.” “Don’t. Just hold me. Will you?” Her eyeliner washed out by tears. Then she let’s me down on the mattress, her hands carefully stroking my head. We’re kissing, caressing and my head felt numb.
I tumbled down besides her. she on me on me on her. And I touched that white rabbit and she let me down that rabbit hole, no time to waste. The smell of blue valentines all around her, when the flowers were falling on the desk. Flowers covering our bodies and she took me to wonderland, soft and warm and dizzy. And I tried to get away but she held me and pulled me back into that rabbit hole where I ate her and grew large and she drank me and grew small. A whirl of senses and touches. And this time there is no music. Just tears and laughter and her and me. An instant gone the office a mess, her in my arms. She smiling. Why is she smiling when I had done that. “You are such a perfect gentleman”, she said and kissed me a last time, her head sliding back, “and lover. I thought I lost you. When you left. What a wonderful first time. I didn’t imagine it would be like this.” And she kissed me softly, then fell asleep, exhausted and tired.
And I stared at the ceiling, where the light from the parlor was blinking in colorful shadows. “The first time…”, it came slowly through the haze of deception. “It was just a bad dream.”
“Oh no”, I said and weary I lost my consciousness, sinking back into her embrace. Into those smell of blue valentines and the flickering neon lights dancing in the shadows of the night.