I am not happy writing this. I’m totally not happy at all with all this con. Well, okay, he won’t die, but he will be ruined. We had a very nice time eating in the Portuguese restaurant, where I tried to score with ordering in the native language. But I found out, that the Macista Portuguese that I learned down in Macao down in China is not the Portuguese Portuguese that the people from Portugal speak.
It must have been something like a Redneck ordering from someone speaking Cockney or something like that. That almost totally failed. Well, I got my water and wine. But the rest,… uh.
We really had a nice time. On his boat I already found out that he has lost most of his money and his house to his Ex-wife and he’s now living on that boat. So, in fact, this guy is living in a trailer park, if you ask me.
You might say, I’m living better than he is. Nah, not really, cause I’m just squatting a nice house but it’s not mine like that boat of his. And my neighborhood. Whatever, I don’t like to push people down over the cliff and told that Jacob, but even if I messed up the image of the hard boiled con-artist of mine, I think it’s better this way. To be straight to people.
He will bet something like 40k on that horse, hoping to get the 1 to 1.5 million Nuyen out of it in return, that will get him out of trouble. In which kind of trouble he is, he didn’t told me. So I can’t say how dangerous this will be for him. But he is totally aware of the danger that he is putting me in and he hopes it all will go well.
well okay. He might be a bit weak on the point of conscience, but I guess he’s a nice dude. Laughed when I translated him working for PR for Federated Boeing that he’s their propaganda guy. He’s lying for a living, not so unlike myself, I guess. But I never would bring people in my vicinity in trouble, because I’m broke.
Like I would if I drop this scam. I will hurt Maggie, Daniel, Fynn, Neil and who else, I don’t know. Not to talk about Jacob and the rest of the crew. Okay, I don’t know those people too well and I guess they will drop Maggie and me like hot potatoes if something is going wrong.
Talking about Maggie. She really let that Jacob drive her home to the Nest. That was not the best idea, they now know where we live (where Maggie lives) and can use this as a leverage against us, if something is going wrong. Not good. But that are lessons that Maggie has to learn. Let’s hope this all is going well enough that nobody has to worry about that.
She had a day off, I just hope she has been using it well enough. She’s not telling me anything about here private life yet. I think she’s not trusting me too much. I can’t blame her for that, she had a hard life. But I can’t help her with anything if she isn’t going to trust me in the near future. And then I can’t teach her things.
And I’m not only thinking about teaching using her Magic talent, it’s the same with daily survival stuff and things. Hope she let’s go her past and dares the step into her future soon. She’s a nice girl, but I guess she’s scarred a bit. Hope she can live with the one or other scar. It won’t get better with coming to age anyway.
If Neil wouldn’t be there I long ago would have thought about making out with Malcolm a bit. Yeah, that’s totally stupid, ya know, coming too near to your mark and getting personal. But I’m really that kind of girl that is getting personal. I have no problems to open up a bit, nothing like when I was a little girl and my usual reaction to people coming near me was to sling them a marble at their head and scream they shall bugger off. Whatever happens, I’m taking it personal, I’m not skimming over life like a pebble skimming over water. Ha-ha, no pun intended. I’m diving in and always getting wet like a drowned rat. Or cat, depends on the side of the hunt I am.
And maybe this is like being an elf, is it not? But maybe I shouldn’t think about that too much, but I can’t stop. All this fuckin’ Disney-Elves that are spooking around in my mind and that are shouting at me, that I am one of them. Which I’m most certainly not. I have to urge to vomit thinking of the “Land of the Ever Young” – BARF.
I guess if we mess up this con I won’t become 29 and die a miserable death with a bullet through my head. Or slowly swing with a block of concrete at my feet and my eyes eaten by the fish on the ground of the Puget Sound. Disney would never make a picture of that future for sure. But maybe I’m a fandom Elf? Yeah, guess so. Fuck me hard, life. I still can’t believe I am, dear Log. People say elves are, they don’t become. But when I look back it was always clear to me that there is something inside me. But I thought it might be nanites or some evil parasites. Not pointy ears. I’d prefer the first two if you ask me. But maybe I’m not an elf at all but life is just fucking around with me. Like always.
And I don’t think he would like my character too much either, this Disney guy. Most likely I will ruin most of the happy world in his films, scam their stupid heroes, ruin a lot of lives and get away with that in the end. But I would make a really bad antagonist too! For a professional criminal I have a really fucked up moral issue. Maybe I’m a bit like those soldiers in this ancient US-American war from the time past, when they were fighting the Japanese and Hitler in Vietnam. Or were they the Chinese? I really always mess this thing up. I thought they were fighting the Japanese in that war and not the Chinese. But I know there were China involved, because in Hong Kong, they told me they had won that war. I should read about that fucking war some time, I guess. Whatever.
I have seen one of these 2D flicks and they mowed over some people in a boat with a machine gun. And after that they went over to apply first aid to help them. What do they expect? If you open fire on someone with a fuckin’ machine gun, you try hard to kill them. And it’s so stupid hypocritical afterwards to go to them and pretend that you really tried to help them and not tried to kill them.
That’s me. I’m really fucked up. I try to make a better world for my kid and on the way to that I really mow over a bunch of peoples lives. Maybe I should instead try to build something up. Yeah, you might say I really tried. I tried hard. And then were those stupid Feds saying I was a terrorist and they confiscated all that money. Money that was working to get people into jobs. In the Barrens, in Renton, in Akkra and other parts of the world, where I hired people to broker all those stolen luxury limos that I got from the streets and the shadow workshops and all that. The workshops for cheap meat from cockroach farms in the bathtubs and all the other small enterprises I have put into life over the years.
And it really didn’t make any difference, I guess. Just that I wasted all the money I got from runs and it was in the end flowing back into the pockets of suits where it originated from.
Who is the thief?
Me? Who is working all the time to build up a better world?
Or them? That only try to put all money they can get into their pockets? Even if they have everything they need?
If you see it from my perspective, I’m a lousy thief after all.
But I really try hard. I try hard to be better. And it’s the scruples that make the difference between me and them, I guess. So you may say, I’m stupid. And I answer, but I’m right. And you say but I’m poor.
Yeah. Right. Fuck.