Personal log of Kowalski, Roger
She was still sleeping in my arm, one of the things I don’t feel are all right but she insisted. And I had not the heart to push her away. She was slowly waking up when the coffee machine started to singing her song, pushing her hair out of her face.
“What’s up for today?”, after she blinked away the sleep and rubbed her eyes free with the back of her hand, yawning. “We take a walk”, I said. “I have seen a drug counseling at the NuYou station and you try to keep yourself clean, are you?” “Ya.” But in those flat lighted morning hour everything was looking sad as a three legged dog. We go walking the dog I said and turned the radio on, which was washing with it’s scratchy sound of broken speakers over us from one of those ancient channels I couldn’t talk it out of it.
“Drug counseling? Do they tell them which drugs are better than the ones you already take? Or do they have nice speedballs there?”, she giggled. “Serious”, I said, “if this shall work, we need every help we can get.” “We?” “We.” She nipped her coffee. “Tell me”, I started after the first cup, her sitting in my large XXL T-shirt on the bed, her naked legs hanging out from under the blanket and her hairs a mess. “Who your dealers were?” She looked at me. “Why should I do that?” “Because I want to have a talk.” “Talk? Talk like in the alley?” “Just talk.” “I don’t think so.” “Do you want me to help you or not?” “Hm. If he’s already up I can show you where he’s standing. But only if you promise to not to do some stupid things.” “I promise.” “Hm”, she said. “I think about it.”
After the first few Morning-Doughnuts she put her pants on, while I wondered she was insisting on wearing my stuff. Even my underwear, which I found inappropriate, but she could wear anything and it was looking good on her. Brushing her hair, “let’s go.”
Walking up the street to the A Whole New You franchise she was doing a bit of conversation. “I still don’t get your point yesterday”, she said. “But if you’re not feeling good with the issue that we should bounce our bodies together than it’s okay with me. For the moment. See, it’s not that I really have an urge to fuck you.” “Charming…” “No, it’s just that nobody ever didn’t want me to fuck. And it’s what I sell. I’m good at that. Everybody wants to fuck me and I just don’t get it, why it is different with you.” “Oh, look. Someone was parking a sports car her over the night.” “Ya, what’s left of it”, she said. “Stupid rich twinks”, she snidely commented. “But you evade. But we are not done, okay? I just have to think about that a bit. I mean fucking, that’s nothing. It’s just what everybody does everywhere.” A few people were turning to us, as we walked by. “It’s something people want to have. It’s some status. And really, I am good at dumpster diving, I can eat the shit that people throw away, but I climbed up the ladder. I have a corner, I can really work hard, keep it up. It’s not something I like to do, but there are jobs that are worse. But I can do that. And I just wanted to show you, that I’m worth my money.” “Baby, you are selling yourself much too cheap.” “That’s what I mean. I need a real manager, that is giving me some idea of my market value. Maybe I can take thirty.” “That’s not what I meant. I mean you can do better than fucking strangers for money.” “I really don’t think so. But I give it a try, if you think that’ll work. There, that’s Raven, my dealer.”
The man sitting on a chair at the entrance of a low run house in a side street was just skin and bone, hard lines in his face, ink on the side of his head and neck like prison tattoos. He was wearing wide sleeves like wings of a bird and a absurdly prominent nose sticking out of his face like a beak. “Don’t hurt him, he’s okay.” “I will just talk.”
The drug counseling at NuYou would take an hour and she had to wait for it in the waiting room. I left her there and went back to meet ‘Raven’.
“You are Raven.” It was not a question, it was a statement. He looked at me. “And who are you? Never seen you, piss off.” “You know this girl.” I showed him her photo on my commlink. “Never seen. Piss off or I let go the dogs.” “Do you know who I am?” “I don’t care, asshole, get lost.” In the next moment I had him up at his neck, pressing him with the back to the wall, pulled him into the corridor of the house. “I’m the one taking care of her. Ask around who I am. If she gets high I will come to you and break every bone you got. And it will hurt that plenty, that no drugs you have would help you get over that pain.” “Hey man, keep cool!” I hit his arm and he dropped a knife. “That’s not a threat, it’s future. If she gets high, you will suffer. So it’s your job to make clear, nobody sells her crank. And if she asks, you call me. If you damage my girl, I damage you. Have you understood?” “But, man, I can’t keep a junkie from crank. I really can’t. Man, I’m just selling stuff, I don’t get people fixed, I just satisfying demand, man!” My face was up to his: “This girl gets high, you go low, panemaju? Like this.” And I hit him in his stomach, that he went down and I could hear something crack. “You stupid asshole!”, he coughed. “You are the asshole that messed up tha three girls inna alley. Street gets you, shithead. Gets you for that!” “Girl gets high. You go down. Comprendre? And here you get your shit back. And you got my number. If she comes and you don’t call. I know where you are.” And I flung her crank onto his body. “Take this as my ‘thank you’ for your service, tovarishch.”
On my back I knew, he was right. The street would get me one day. I just had to watch my back. And keep a step ahead. I tried to reach the only doctor I know, this Neil Munroe from the Rat’s Nest. He called back but he didn’t give me much hope for her chances to keep clean if she doesn’t change her condition of work and social life. I told him, we neither have money for sending her on a vacation on a drug recovery resort.
I escorted her home after that and we concentrated on work. “They told me I have to change my way of living. I have to avoid old friends.” “I help you, if I can”, I said. I wasn’t sure I did. I know it’s a lost cause but maybe…