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I’ve been to Disneyland with my parents when I was a kid and Six Flags ain’t got shit on it. Still decent. Nice rides, good food, no endless lines…
The whole thing was even pretty relaxing until we met that fortuneteller.
So, basically for the first ten minutes.
There was nothing wrong with ‘Madame Esme’, not by default. Just like most of the time, we were the weak link that shattered a potential chain of pleasant events.
Zoé got a prophecy that got her all jazzed but the icing on the cake was that from all the fortunetellers in the world…from the 99% impostors and conman we
of course got the one percent who’s the real deal.
After reading us, she seemed spooked and I can’t really blame her for that.
The usual misunderstanding in our line of business happened and when she tried to bail, we stopped her, calm but threateningly told her to stay the fuck away from our million, no matter what she saw.
She promised to behave and told us that this didn’t have anything to do with us, but that Zoé should stay away from the water ride.
A long, drawn out sigh interrupts the flow of words.
As if there ever was a chance that was going to happen.
Let me try to explain this in the most reasonable way…
First, there was a dude near the water ride.
It was warm, he was wearing some kind of full body armor, helmet and all, black as midnight, just standing there mysteriously.
I don’t know why on earth I suggested he was a vampire.
It was just a fucking joke!
Even if, why not just leave that poor asshole alone and enjoy a tranquil day in an amusement park!
Truth be told, vampire or not, that guy seemed like trouble, so I’d rather have us all stay away from him.
At some point in the resulting discussion about parapersons I was this close to call Circe de Soleil ‘cause the girls were seriously flipping their shit about this.
Nebraska wanted to stake and probably simultaneously fuck him or something, at least she couldn’t stop talking about absurdly long vampire schlongs and Zoé had this ‘must fly straight into the light’ gaze she always has right before doing something stupid.
Against better judgment, we told her to stay away from the ride and since no clairvoyance held the rest of us back, we hopped right in.
There was a guy with a serious lack of sleep and/or a nasty cough with us, but I’ll get to him later.
Right at the top we saw Zoé, walking over to the dude in the black armor, seemed like she would offer him a drink.
Shame we couldn’t fetch the pic you get at the end of each ride…‘cause 4 people facepalming in unison without faking it? That’s something.
When that thing was slow enough Nebraska and I jumped out of our wagon, sprinted to Zoé’s ‘rescue’.
She was happy enough about her second prophecy which was meeting a mysterious stranger… And Nebraska joined in, both droning on about going back to the Haunted House with him.
I tried my best to stop them, I really did.
Even played along with the whole vampire thing to stop them from endangering their lives and the run.
At some point I just snapped.
Especially at Zoé.
You know I… Oh screw this.
I’m just spent. I’m done saving this self-righteous belligerent bitch.
She won’t grow, she refuses to learn, she couldn’t negotiate or even lie her way out of a wet paper bag, is borderline useless in combat and contributes virtually nothing but trouble again and again.
Pulling this whole thing off with her is as painful as having a rusty bear trap clamped to your face and I can’t fucking take it anymore!
Phew, spirits, that felt good…
To make it short, they both survived, I couldn’t care less why that armored dude was content enough with spooking them.
Oh, and that weird guy from the water ride was possessed by a tempo spirit and went berserk or something. We left the park in time and I knew better than to take him on.
I need a break now…